I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
