1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
