My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize