She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
