Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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