I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
