I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
