Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
