oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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