If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize