he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
