My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
