So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
