no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
