he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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