I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
