it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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