Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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