FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
