Say something about gay babies.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
