Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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