and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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