Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
