Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
