Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
