I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
