its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
