I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
