You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
