Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
