So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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