ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
