Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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