everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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