how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize