Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
