i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
