I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
