what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
