Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize