if i can run in heels then i can drive
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
