It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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