so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
