My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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