please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize