I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
