I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize