I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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