oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
