I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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