sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
