I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
