You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
