Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
