Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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