there's paper in my vomit.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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