her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
