ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
