Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
