He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
