Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
