in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
