it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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