Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
