just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
