Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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