Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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