This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
