Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
