high people should be assigned attendants
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
