it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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