"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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