dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
