I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
