fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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