What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
