he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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