I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
