She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
