no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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