it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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