Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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