Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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