hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
