He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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