I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
