I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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