Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
