I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize