"it" just moved
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
