do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
