Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize