oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My pussy is not your playground.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
