I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
