I like my sex mixed with concussions.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
