I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
