My hand turned me down
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
organizing the empties. That sober.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
