she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
zippers are such a cool invention
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
