i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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